Maybe it is already real. Or not. I don’t actually know. I’m a bit confused. I’m still a mess as usual. And well, ugh. I don’t wanna talk about this yet. So let me tell you about school instead. And maybe the ultra long summer too.
Well, due to the academic calendar shift in our university, instead of having classes on June, it was moved to August. It’s only our second week. Not much has happened yet. So far, it was peaceful and kinda weird. A little boring. Things are moving slowly. So far, I’m in pace with my subjects. A bit rusty at some areas but yeah, good enough.
So far, the most eventful thing that has happened to me was moving in with 2 roommates. After 1 and a half years of living alone, I now have two roommates. I usually want to be alone and lots of space for myself but I’m looking forward to this kinda new thing. I’m excite to do activities with them. Though the two of them are much closer, I’m finding it really comforting to actually have some people around. So, let’s just see how the sem turns out ;)
For the long summer. Well, it was long. But I was not vacant at all. I interned at my sister’s office. It was kind of weird to be around my sister almost 24/7. I discovered why my youngest sister hated being around her. She was actually annoying. And self righteous and self involved. And I hated how she always feels that she knows so much better than I am. She does actually. But she doesn’t really need to put it in my face. I didn’t actually grew much in that office. But the good thing was I got free food. I ate almost 5 times a day (good bye diet) and free movies! My sister and her office mates go to the cinemas almost every week. And I got 11k from it. Yey! It wasn’t a very wonderful experience but at least I know that a working environment like that won’t work for me.
So that’s all about “work” I guess. But the long summer was more eventful than that. One of the perks of having your sister as you boss is that asking for permission to absent was as easy as saying hi. I just have to say it. No questions asked, it’s approved. So it was easy for me to go on my adventures!
ADVENTURE 1: Calaguas
My first summer adventure was going to Calaguas with TnK (old orgmates, well older than me). I’m not a picture person so yeah, I won’t post any pictures. HAHAHA. Anyway, during that trip, what I thought died long ago went springing back to life when somebody brought it up. And now, I still can’t kill it or ignore it or anything at all. But oh well. And at the same time, something started. But I dunno. I really don’t think it will go anywhere. Anywaaaay, we went surfing that time. It was my first time! I fell like a million times, but hey, it’s okay to faaaaall :)) with… jk :))) HAHAHA But kidding aside, maybe it is? I’m not really sure. And oh.. I puked inside the van. It was humiliating but oh well :)))
ADVENTURE 2: Potipot Adventure
My almost birthday celebration adventure. We were there overnight, May 17 - May 18, a day before my birthday. It was the almost spontaneous not so planned outing we had. We barely had any idea on how to get there and other stuff but I’m glad we went there. It was fun because somehow, we pulled it off. Slept under the stars for a while and had deep conversations with people. Though we only stayed overnight, I can say it was a great experience.
ADVENTURE 3: DSP goes to Pangasinan
Kinda acads-vacation cross-over with my Super Duper Ultimate Crush #2. (He’s #2 since I totally have no chance with him hahahaha) buuuut I’m still ultra happy to be with him. At least we now can communicate HAHA Even if it’s acads related. I really went gaga there. In summary, we just recorded people read passages/words on a dialect (pangasinense) and HE WAS MY RECODING PARTNER! We watched movies together hihi. It was like a little date <3 Every little thing related to him, I jump with extreme bliss. It was like heaveeeen <3 But it was not long huhu. I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. Char =))
ADVENTURE 4: Cagbalete Drive
Another outing with TnK. I was so glad I was still invited. Didn’t expect it after the puking incident. Thing here got very adventurous hahaha. Let’s not get much into details. But gah. Some things you just can’t stoooop. I hope I still can. EMERGENCY BREAK! Ultra weird beach though. Water was super shallow. I don’t know how people swim in that water.
ADVENTURE 5: Talent Show
Not so much of an adventure. Just got ultra drunk. Like super. Like puking and crying drunk. The kind of drunk where you’re not really sure if you want to remember everything or if you just want to forget everything. Super not a good kinda drunk. I wish I could undo it.
ADVENTURE 6: Year plan
Also not really an adventure. It was supposed to be. But the Yolanda happened. I hate that typhoon. Lots of pretending to be happy by talking/texting someone. Or am I? =)) Char. But I’M NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.
That was that I guess. And a lot of cinemas. Super. :)) Sponsored by my sister of course. The latter part were mostly get together with HS friends. Drinking sessions. Yeah, that was fun. Also more books for our library. Yey!
So I’m trying to keep my mind of things… Not really a thing but you get me, right? I’m trying to stay away. Because I don’t wanna get sucked inside a black hole again. Even when I need to or want to be close, I’ll stay away. That’s why I’m here. Lashing out on a different thing. Because I can’t talk about it. But I will. I promise. Just not today. Or any day soon for that matter. But please be here. When I’m ready, please listen, okay?
That moving on time I gave myself, well it’s almost over. And I haven’t moved even a bit.
Okay, this may not be such a big deal but I really wanna look, well, better. Like those girls guys talk about or even just notice.
Anyway, since I don’t really have a pretty face, all I can do is have a better physique. So I’ve measured my stats.And it’s just frustrating.
Yeah, I shouldn’t really define myself with physical beauty but honestly, people will mostly notice physical qualities first. So I try my best to be somehow noticed. And I’m terribly failing at it.
Okay, that’s quite it. Teenage drama right. Well, I’m still a teen right now so better max out all the dramas. I only have 22 days left before I turn 20. Good luck to meee!
Fitness 2014! :)
Oh, f*ck u Facebook!
FB was like “I heard you were moving on. Here’s a picture to remind you of the past.”
And FB friends was like “HUEHUEHUE”
And I was like T_T
So somebody bumped this picture of us. (first photo)
And bumped it with I-SO-WILL-KILL-YOU and I-THOUGHT-FRIENDS comments (shown in picture 2)
I just wanna kill them right now. T_T Stabbing me at where it would hurt most </3
And I’m back (at 3 at least hehe) -_-
I just soooo feel that this is somehow about me.
Oh, don’t flatter yourself. Surely, you don’t even pass by his mind anymore.
Censored names so in case anyone find out about this, their identities wouldn’t be easily given away.
You could do better
Today is the last day of submission of grades for this semester. I have mixed feelings. Most definitely, I am happy to pass all of my subject. But that’s that. I don’t feel any fulfilling emotion. I barely passed my exams and crammed my semester away. I never studied truly hard and never made much effort. Just enough to pass. Just enough to almost pass, actually.
Let’s be honest, this semester was not really supposed to be hard. It was a light semester. A semester where I could have aced all my subject have I just made enough effort to do that. But of course, I didn’t. I settled for just passing. Or barely passing since I even pleaded for points from my professors to be able to have a passing mark.
So here I am again, at the end of the semester, loathing those people posting their grades, their high grades, the grades they worked so hard for. Blaming them for being extremely happy to have their efforts blossom. For achieving what I wanted.
Looking back now is only making me regret. But there’s no point in regretting what happened in the past. I can only make up for the future. I’m not going to make myself promises but I will however dare myself.
I dare myself to be better. I dare myself to push through the limits and be greater. Not because I need to but because I can. And I know there is so much potential inside of me that I am not using. Wasting in making unnecessary things when I could be better. When I could have reached more. So I dare myself to do what I’ve always can but never actually did.
I dare myself to give myself what I deserve, because I know I deserve more than just a passing grade. I deserve more than heartaches and tears. I deserve love and friendship. I deserve to learn and grow. I deserve more. And it’s about time I stop restricting myself from giving myself what I must receive. Because I deserve greatness. We all do. But we won’t ever get it if we never give it to ourselves.
And lastly I dare myself to enjoy and have fun during the ride. Because one thing I’ve learned for the past semester, you’ll be able to do things in the best possible way if you are having fun. Love what you are doing and happiness will come. And with happiness, well would be easier to study with a happy heart than a broker heart right. ;)
So there.Three dares for myself. I’m looking forward for this summer. I’m looking forward to what I can do in this very long vacation of mine. But more importantly, I’m looking forward for next sem, when I can finally win this dare ;)
Let this be our secret ;)
I’m not really much of a writer. I can’t craft words to make beautiful stories. Even telling stories is hard for me. For someone who is very talkative, it is quite ironic. But still, I would like to write down my story. Without thinking of who may judge me or what other might think.
I’m starting fresh.
Hi. I’m Lois. I’ve already have a tumblr account, seenikle.tumblr.com where I’ve been posting stuff for quite some time now. So why am I exactly making a new blog? I wanna keep this blog as my personal blog.
So here’s the thing, there are so many people I know personally who’s following me in my old tumblr. And I still want to keep myself private and at the same time. I want to be able to express myself where no one I practically know would use these information to spread gossip. Let’s just say I’ve been a victim of a lot of gossips for the past year and a lot of things, important things, got broken because of those blabbermouths.
Also, I don’t think my previous blog doesn’t suit me enough anymore. I know that somehow I’ve changed. And I hope this is a good change and it would continue. A 4-month long vacation is ahead of me. And I would want to take that advantage to grow and be the someone I would want to be. I want to start with a new leaf. A clean page. And write all about my days to come in this new blog.
Why don’t I just delete my old blog, you say? Because I would still want to keep it. For memories’ sake. It still contains a part me. A part of me I can never change. And maybe one day, looking back, I would finally understand why life led me to that path.
So yes, I’m moving on. I’m moving forward. But it doesn’t mean I would forget. I’ll never forget the things that made me me.